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  • Writer's pictureBrendan Holt

Mindful Mediation: 6 Benefits of Mediating Your Divorce

Updated: Aug 30, 2019

When you first married your spouse, you made that commitment together. But life and relationships change, people grow, and it can sometimes be that even despite great effort and kind hearts, they grow apart. Perhaps it comes to pass that you and your spouse could be better off as friends and co-parents rather than a married couple; and so it occurred to you that pursuing a divorce and re-shaping your family dynamic might be in everyone’s best interests. Realizing that need for change was the first step. How to approach the process or reorganizing and rebuilding your life, amidst all the intimidating and sad divorce stories we have all heard, that is the next step. And there is a way, despite your understandable anxiety and uncertainty, to create a settlement agreement that meets your respective needs without having to set foot inside a courtroom.

Mediation lets you navigate your divorce in a way that’s both positive and empowering. Below is a list of 6 benefits you can realize when you mediate your Connecticut divorce.

1. Conversations Are More Productive

You and your spouse are unique individuals with your own hopes, goals and opinions. You won’t agree on everything, but when you discuss your differences in the presence of a trained and qualified mediator, it can prevent the conversation from taking an unproductive turn and keep both of you on track.

2. You Make Informed Decisions

When you choose mediation, you work with a neutral third party who guides you through every aspect of your divorce, including areas that may never have occurred to you. When you say yes or no, you fully understand what you’re committing to and get to consider and reflect on those decisions outside of a tense Courthouse hallway. You know your options, you discuss, consider and choose between them; there are no surprises.

3. The Process Is Personal and Specific to Your Divorce

Ask anyone who’s ever endured a litigated divorce - highly personal elements like property division and child custody are decided based on past legal precedent, statutory guidelines and, in the latter case, what a judge ultimately believes to be in the best interests of your child(ren). I myself worked for nearly 7 years as a neutral Family Relations Counselor in the Connecticut Judicial Branch, I know the Courts do their best, but it is often impossible for them to ever fully understand your unique family well enough to tailor their decisions. When you choose mediation, you can ensure that the outcome matches your family’s needs, for reasons you both understand and consent to.

4. You Can Get Expert Input

The mediation process is designed to encourage input from therapists, financial advisors, and other professionals who can help you reach an ultimate resolution on important matters like child custody and asset division. You and your spouse have complete control over what role each professional plays during negotiations, allowing you to receive (and pay for) only the advice you need and nothing more.

5. The Final Decisions Are Yours

In the end, you and your spouse are the ones who decide the terms of your divorce, not a court that doesn’t know you and your family. This leads to a settlement agreement that is acceptable to both sides. Your mediator will moderate the discussions, help you settle any disputes, and clarify your agreement before it becomes official, but you always remain in control of the process and the outcome.

6. You Set the Stage for Ongoing Communications

The mediation process teaches collaboration. Many divorcing couples who have been nurturing resentment and hostility towards one another have re-discovered how to communicate their legitimate concerns, fears and needs and then work together to achieve a fair and satisfactory outcome. After the divorce is finalized, you can keep these new and strengthened lines of communication open and have constructive discussions about effectively co-parenting, while continuing to keep your children and their needs and emotional growth as the number one priority for you both.

Contact a Connecticut Family Law Attorney

When you want to end your marriage in a way that is respectful, cost-effective, and results in a mutually acceptable divorce agreement, let Holt Law be there to guide and help you through it. I have years of experience in mediation and family conflict facilitation and a wonderful professional network of therapists and financial planners who can coordinate to help you not simply “survive” your divorce, but instead help your family continue to grow and thrive as you move forward. To schedule a consultation, call us at 203-872-7218.

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